I take my food very seriously. Very. Seriously. I arrogantly feel that if I love a certain food you should too. I mean, what’s wrong with you?! How dare you not like what I love! If someone tells me they don’t like beans, my favorite food, I will take it as a personal attack. You say you hate beans? It clearly means you hate me. I will make it my personal mission to get you to love beans. I will go crazy. I will obsess over the fact that you don’t like beans. It will keep me up at night! I think, that perhaps, you’ve just never had beans cooked the right way. My way, obviously.
Last week, I made potato salad and gave it a solid B+. Not my best but eatable. After 10 years of wedding bliss, my hubs knows that I’m the only one in the house allowed to critique my own food. It is an absolute, unwritten, well established rule. However, instead of raving about my potato salad, my husband ate some, said, “Meh,” and rated it a D. Excuse me, wwwwhat?! Unacceptable husband, unacceptable. I may or may not have given him the silent treatment for 2 hours. Although, now that I’m thinking about it, he seemed pretty happy and content those 2 hours. It looks like I’ll have to change up my punishments. Perhaps, talk NON-STOP for 2 hours? Done. He won’t know what hit him.
Now, I get crazy when someone says they don’t like a particular food that I love. I will get apeshit crazy when someone says *cough, cough husband* that they don’t like something I’ve prepared in my own kitchen. Doing what I’ve always done, I made it my personal mission to make a potato salad, worthy of accolades and gold stars. Let’s just say we had potato salad with dinner and lunch for the past week. You could have come over any day, last week and would have found me elbow deep in potatoes and mayonnaise. It wasn’t a pretty sight.
At some point, I think my husband was purposely trying to make me mad by telling me that each batch of salad, “wasn’t my best.” Since when did he become a frickin’ food critique?! Rude. He was probably crossing his fingers, hoping that I’d give him the silent treatment again. Wrong-0 big boy, you’ve heard that last of silence in this house!
All my slavery was worth it though, because I found the golden ticket of potato salads. It will blow your socks off. Their were several 3 am dates between a bowl of potato salad,a fork and myself. It’s one three-way I can really get into. My hubby also gave it a million and one gold stars. I think he gave it that one extra star just to get back on my good side. He was pretty jealous of my 3am three-way action. Sorry buddy, we’ve got no room in this food porn for a man who can’t fake that he “loves” his wife’s initial potato salad. If he doesn’t have the skills to fake it when it’s bad, he doesn’t get to join in on the food action when it’s good. Lesson learned.
- 5 lb potatoes~ I love to use red potatoes. Cut them up into bit size pieces and cook until just tender.
- 6 hard boiled eggs, chopped up
- 1 pound of bacon, cooked and chopped up
- 1½ cup mayonnaise
- ½ cup sour cream
- 1 cup diced onions
- ½ cup diced dill pickles
- 2 Tablespoons lemon juice
- 2 Tablespoons white wine vinegar
- 1 Tablespoon sweet relish
- 1 teaspoon sea salt
- 1 teaspoon garlic salt
- ½ teaspoon garlic powder
- ½ teaspoon celery seed
- ½ teaspoon black pepper
- Combine all ingredients, except potatoes, in a bowl.
- Cook potatoes and drain.
- Toss with mayonnaise mixture.
- Make sure to leave time to chill the potato salad. I always make it the day ahead, to let it chill and flavor meld!